It has certainly been a while since I last posted! Where have I been? Lost. Exhausted.
Towards the end of last year, following lockdowns, on-going Covid restrictions and pressures, work demands and not being able to do more of the things that bring me joy, I really crashed hard.
When I got home to Auckland for New Years, I observed finally that I hadn't had my voice, my actual physical voice in about 3months. It was crokey, shaky, practically gone. All I kept being told was that, "you need to rest"...
This was following a 2 week break from work. I challenged this theory of resting and was pushed further to just rest. Go have some fun. Take a break. Chill... *sigh*
I don't do chill.
I struggled with this concept and, for a VERY long time, struggle with the thought of putting myself and my needs first. It is not comfortable for me to speak up for my needs, understand when I need to walk from a situation and simply recognise where it is not my responsibility to help someone. I am now allowing myself to set adequate boundaries so that I can be a better me, which in turn, will best support you.
New Years 2022, I proclaimed, "No more!"
Most people set resolutions or goals. Some choose a word that will define their year. For me, I simply decided I would no longer allow myself to be put last. I will no longer allow myself to be mistreated. I would start giving myself the love and support I give others. I would start backing myself as the amazing human that I am.
I comment regularly that I believe all people are awesome. We all have our unique capabilities and we all deserve love and compassion. Yet, I struggled to allow this for myself. I note struggled because I am encouraging myself to practice the past tense language with old behaviours I will no longer tolerate from me.
It is an on-going battle, learning to recognise the moments where I am not being true and authentic to me. Where I am allowing myself to be toxic or playing small because that feels more comfortable. To actually say, "HOLD UP, Sarah! That's not you!" and practically slap myself with the reality that I am and deserve better from me.
I have been called every name in the book over the years, especially with wrestling as the bad guy. From the worst of the worst, to the best of the best. You name it, I've likely been called it. Yet, I've allowed for myself to accept the worst names as my reality for too long. It's time now to own the best and live up to the woman you believe I am and I believe I am capable of being.
I am a powerful woman. I have a great mind. I have a lot of love to give. I am happy, strong, caring, kind, generous and an absolute champion. I am a monkey, silly, goofy, honest to a fault and willing to try almost anything once. I am determined, passionate, highly motivated, an over-achiever, well-prepared and good at almost everything I do. I have many fears (IYKYK) yet I face them all (except spiders) and welcome a good challenge.
I know, without a doubt, I am capable of better. I deserve better. I am going to contribute to making this world a better place for all. I will proactively work within my circle of control, and circle of influence, to encourage others to be and do better because you, too, are better and deserve better. If I can step forward and own the qualities that make me a good person, you can too.
Act from a place of love. Talk from a place of love. Give from a place of love.
The love you put out into the world is what you receive in return. Remember that. You deserve to live in a better world filled with kindness and love.
And with that, my dudes, I am back! :D
I have a few pieces in mind to write about yet, I make no promises in my consistency in writing as, in my over-achieving, inability to slow down, I have taken on some more commitments but I look forward to sharing more thoughts and opinions with you all soon.
As always, I welcome feedback, comments, suggestions on contents that you would love more of. I am here for it. I cannot guarantee I will write on your topic but I welcome discussion. Utilise the contact me, chat function or hit me up on Instagram. Much love, Brit Army x
Oh, and PS: I have my voice back
Thanks so much. What I write is nothing but honest truth. It takes a great deal of courage to put yourself out there as you are doing. 🙂
Yesss Girl!! You see what I see!!! So happy you are now there with that determination to get rid of the negativity thrown at you and to now welcome some more positive vibes and energy and people into your life. It does take a long time to get where you now find yourself. I still have my guard up sometimes myself but am learning to trust my instincts because who knows you better than yourself! Please don't over burden yourself with alot to do and not enough time to do it ..that's what stress levels love!! Super proud of you!!